She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
