Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
