I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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