I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
