worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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