Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
