Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
