I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
