guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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