i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
