I'm laying in your front yard are you home
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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