You really coming over, don't trick.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
