i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
NoShamevember. You game?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize