don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
