this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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