is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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