I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
