I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
