My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
The beer is more important than you right now.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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