Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My ass is underappreciated
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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