I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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