I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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