when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize