With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
