Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
