I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just had sex on a roof
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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