I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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