Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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