My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
