fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The air was thick with penises
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
