Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
