he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
