You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
