i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize