Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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