I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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