in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
