You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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