Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
love makes seman taste better
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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