i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
