Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
