If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
