I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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