This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Randomize
