I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
