just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
