I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
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