After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
