the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
