if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
