How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
