You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
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