so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've changed since you got that strap on
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
