Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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