I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
