Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
