I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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