my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
