someone threw a dead crab at me
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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