I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
