I'm so fucking centered right now
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
