Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
