this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
