and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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