I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
