she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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