Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
