She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
