that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize