He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
