I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
