If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
