and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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