he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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