I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Randomize
