I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
