Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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