Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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