he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
