Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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