Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
