i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
