i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Pooping to opera.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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