i already hear my dad disowning me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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