no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
