hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
