how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
