I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I skipped work to stalk him.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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