ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
