I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
pray to the hookup gods
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