Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
