So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
