Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
