I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
