R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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