What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
