I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
