Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
