The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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